English Funny Quotes

'Not even in errors but in quotes there is lots of fun too. Find here most funny quotes and saying by people who created humor.'

"If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?" - Steven Wright

"Never buy motor oil that says shake well before using." - Ken Hickey

"It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time." - Tallulah Bankhead

"As soon as I get through with you, you'll have a clear case for divorce and so will my wife." - Groucho Marx

"My wife and I were happy for twenty years; Then we met!" - Rodney Dangerfield

"We all worry about the population explosion, but we don't worry about it at the right time." - Arthur Hoppe

"Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion." - Spike Milligan

"Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity." - George Carlin

"Money and women are the most sought after and the least known about of any two things we have."
- Will Rogers

"The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket."
- Frank Hubbard

"Only when the last tree has died and the last river been poisoned and the last fish been caught will we realise we cannot eat money."
- Cree Indian Proverb

"Budget: a mathematical confirmation of your suspicions."
- A.A. Latimer